ORGANIZATION: Club Awesome
DESIGNATION: Protectors
BASE OF OPERATIONS: Club Club Awesome on Secrets Mountain (location unknown)
CURRENT LINEUP:  Errol Crane, Rick Kemp, Mikey Holliday, Erik Armenia
FIRST APPEARANCE: Tales Of The Old Lenny’s #18  

Club Awesome are the keepers of the Whyte Tygre Force, a supermagical power infusing them with some sort of cosmic aura, or space cloud or something, and charging them with an eternal oath to protect the world – or maybe innocent people – it’s kind of vague – from evil, probably. Or snobbishness. The whole thing is very mysterious. The Whyte Tygre Force communicates to Club Awesome through an old VHS copy of “Jem & The Holograms” viewed on a spectral TV with VCR attachment at the band’s secret headquarters of Club Club Awesome, located secretly at the peak of Secrets Mountain, which is actually underground (only one of its many secrets).

Swashbuckling time-pirate Errol Crane (known variously as The Siren, The Buzzer, The Cheap Car Alarm and The Gazetteer) and enigmatic sorcerer and Champion of the Dark Arts & Crafts Rick Kemp (The Night Watchman, The Dark Milky Way, The Misunderstood Nocturnal Creature That Seems Scary But Is Just Fine If You Leave It Alone) share evil-bashing duties with a duo of hard-hitting trans-dimensional transplants – Mikey Holliday (Hard Hairstyle, The Bullethead, The Man With Bulletproof Hair) and Erik Armenia (The Slippery Wrench) – who mysteriously arrived on Earth from an alternate-dimension Earth known as Earth Awesome, where Club Awesome is revered as the most important band of all time. It is later revealed that Hard Hairstyle and The Slippery Wrench had both been members of the Club Awesome of Earth Awesome before their mysterious space-time jump.

After a series of quite thrilling adventures, the team is rocked with the revelation that The Slippery Wrench is in fact the biological offspring of a former teammate: the formerly villainous but later redeemed (but then de-redeemed and re-villainized) many-tentacled and ageless thousand-year-old space vampire known as Chthulio von Dreadie, who had sired The Slippery Wrench in the year 2875. The Slippery Wrench and Hard Hairstyle (who learns he is an Alienian from Outer Space Galaxy Planet) had both been transported as infants to present-day Earth Awesome and raised as human.

Furthermore, the team learns that another former teammate, Metallus The Metal Bending Man Who Bends Metal By The Power Of His Mind And A Set Of Metal-Bending Tools – a brilliant geneticist and confirmed bachelor who was previously thought to have been cruising the outer reaches of the space-time continuum with his lifelong companion and masseur Cyrus (and who may still be under the influence of the infernal Zombie Ray of the Practice Wars epic) – had wired Club Awesome’s drumkit with a universe-destroying Z-Bomb set to blow at the precise pattern of sixteenth notes played on the high-hat in the song “BBs Go Out Into The Night.”  Although Club Awesome was able to use their Supermagical powers to stave off ultimate universe-destruction, a partial explosion sent the team hurtling through time again to 2875, which they found to be a dystopian nightmare, where Things Are Very Different Although Similar In An Extreme Fashion To The Events Of Today. They currently remain trapped in exile and metaphor.

ABILITIES

Errol Crane:  The Siren emits incapacitating off-tonal sonic frequencies from his vocal cords, the notes of which do not correspond to any key or musical scale and cause effects ranging from loss of consciousness and vomiting to complete intestinal release. He can also talk to dolphins. Crane recently learned that he was actually an android built by the government and implanted with the essence of the original, Golden-Age Errol Crane. Probably as a result of this, he is pretty good at Photoshop.

Rick Kemp:  The Night Watchman protects the mortal sphere from nefarious “mind-cockroaches” only he can see, sent by his dark nemesis, The Nemesis. He can be observed stomping these invisible insects on stage at every performance. The cloud of darkness surrounding Kemp at all times causes even ardent fans of Club Awesome to forget that he was ever there. Kemp’s left thumb can go all bendy and looks weird.

Mikey Holliday:  Hard Hairstyle has an impenetrable pate of iron locks, with which he can butt his way into any obstruction or conversation. Holliday also posesses the power of telegraphy, a gift from his Alienian heritage: with a small handheld device, Holliday may send messages instantly to almost anywhere on the planet. These “instant messages” call auxiliary members of Club Awesome to action in times of crisis or partying.

Erik Armenia:  The Slippery Wrench is a shapeshifter whose skin can become as hard as steel, or as soft as creamery butter. Also he’s pretty strong. Probably could bench about 200. Armenia holds the powerful Sticks of Love, and can singlehandedly beat off any comers. Plus, he has a tail. He beats people off with that, too.